3.28.25 23.43

It's so cold. I'm so cold. Why am I so cold?

Eyes glaring. Distance suffocating.

Static, scratching.

Reach out and I recoil
because I remember
and I refute
resolution

Lonliness

Loneliness is hungry
It finds you and bites you
And screams as you bleed
But you don’t feel a thing
So it licks your wounds for you
And continues to feed

Loneliness says,
“I’m protecting you, I’m protecting you”
Then how come protection is pain?
“Pain must come first”, loneliness says
First before what?
It doesn’t answer
But stands in the corner and shivers,
continuing to feed.
At least this pain is warm.

Sorrow Is A Spiral Sea

The sorrow is a spiral
Neverending ocean, I kick
Legs clawing at the sand, I slip
Below the waves, I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe

To submerge is to succumb to the comfort of cold muffled isolation
Falling under, sliding through
I spin through the churn, I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe

I gasp
While the salt of shame still clings to my skin
Sorrow drips away, Gods bless the recede
Of low tide, but the tide
Is a perpetual cycle, back and forth
Back and forth

Haunting distance of blood-dark blue
Like a memory of a grimace
Shivering, sublime, careless
Don’t relax in the riptide, or the riptide
Will scrape your bones clean of belonging

Only A Ruse

It’s not my fault my intentions fall short of perception
Or my joy is just seen as a bore
It’s not my burden to bear that you’re so unaware
That to live as I am is a chore

How to mold myself so they’ll all like me?
How to mask my speech so they’ll all know it?
The formula promised friendship and security,
I followed it with painfully abject scrutiny,
But my sole draining yield was the predestined failure,
That no matter my efforts I’m labeled a stranger

When life gives you lemons
With tears in my eyes
I demand a full refund
Of the years I spent blind
To the horrible ugly and destructive truth
That the formula given was only a ruse