Don't Act Like You Care

Don't act like you care
Don't act like it matters
You only want me to gloat or to cry
You only want me when I help or hype
You only want me to fix you to heal you to see you
but you don't see me back
You shove me down to jump forward and then get mad when I'm not right by your side
I can see your priorities and I'm not there
Because actions do speak louder than words
And your actions have consequences.

A Life in A Home

Let me just build my new life up
Heavy and cold
Puzzle pieces ripped apart
Forced into a new mold

Reaching unattainably to your system of gravity
Sew your mask into my face and make it look like you still loved me too

Day by each painful day my skin bleeds
Memories of identities pure and unfiltered
Can't have that anymore
Can't have that anymore
Step by step, conform, reform
A home isn't a home anymore

Building up a new life in your image
Ignore the image of mine falling down
If I rewrite who I was to give a hint of you a hint of a chance to live just that much longer,
Would you try to look my way and say you're sorry?
Would you go with me back in the past and sit right down and make it last like these ten years never happened the way they did at all

I'm alone like you left me like I left you but I didn't mean it and you meant it and I'm not moving at all
I live only in your periphery so what else is there to do except pretend to be you when you're not here
I'll just look in the mirror when I miss the thought of living
Get a glimpse of your visage
In a puddle on the street
Let me talk to it a while
Old friend how long it's been,
well I've been in denial you're not real
If you were you wouldn't be listening

Building up your life right out of the wreckage of mine
I don't care I'll sacrifice it all for the chance you'll get a better one
I'll see you in the future and I'll be there to prove I could be a little more than you thought of me, finally a little bit worthy of a little bit of you
And when nothing has changed I'll wonder why I siphoned away all I was just to make part of you proud of a part of me
At the cost of almost everything of me you get almost everything for you
I hope I was worth the stepping stone you mistook my love for

Nonsensical Truth

The truth is I’m scared
And you’re the only thing that can comfort me
I reach out to you despite
The years and years of nothing in between
And when you won’t look my way?
Like I’m still nothing in the background of everyone else you otherwise look to?
I stay scared, I stay angry
I stay alone
Because the truth is it’s you, always you, only you
and without you I’m alone

And suddenly I’m back
Five, six, seven years, gone
Wondering what I did wrong and what I can do now
To just make them like me enough to continue the routine of relationship
But no!
Its distance and it’s change and it’s nonsensical to me
And it’s always nonsensical to me

What Love Curses While It Cries?

Oh, you know I don't rise to anger
easily
But tonight I am mad, I am angry,
I am betrayed
I am fire on stone
I am denouncing

How long will I ignore your ignoring of me
all because I love you?

You are a phantom
You do not come back
You do not permeate
and you drain
and I am angry

What is loss when it is alive?
What love curses while it cries?
How dare you train me to be blind